when i moved back to boston, i knew no body. i had few friends back home but they all seemed uninterested in commuting into the city for lunch or evening fun. and the trek back home to hang with the few people who didn't feel i neglected them by going to school, was a 4 hour long commute.?it was miserable.?i didn't/don't own a car, and all my friends did.?
?::i'll let that sink in a bit::good? k.?
when i started to work (literally the day after i moved. talk about exhausted.) i was hopeful to meet new people and make new friends. my place of employment had a variety of?characters, and most of them were older men. the only girl within my?vicinity had a -to this day-?unknown grudge against me the minute i stepped foot in the department.
-no luck-
a month or so in, i got the?opportunity to do something a little more fun involving photoshoots.
there i met a few people who i would never thought would mean the entire world to me.
it took a while, but a friendship struck with one that would eventually blossom into something more.?
i had made a friend, excelled at work, got promoted into a position that involved what i went to school for, basically helped start up a website, and had what seemed to be a good relationship going.
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?my heart was happy
this isn't going to be about my relationship, what happened, what didn't happen or any of that.
i'm heart broken to say it didn't work, but i felt i had made a life long friend.?
there were 3 of us. and i felt like we were a pact. we were awesome. they were the best people i knew and i felt so blessed to have them care for me as much i cared for them. i didn't think i could ever be happier.
things happen: breakups, arguments, fights, breakups within your other friends, new people, new lives.
i met someone new. someone great. someone who was nothing i've ever had before. and it was?exciting.
i was once in a relationship where we were both so involved with each other that we forgot about our friends, our family, everything but us. it ended horribly and i vowed that day on i would never leave behind the people i loved and have loved for a budding new romance. and i didn't. no matter who i was dating, i always, ALWAYS made time for my other friends.?whether it included my guy or not. i never wanted to get sucked into another relationship where i forget everyone else.?
so i was now in this new relationship, but never ever forgot about my 2 best. they were still my two best and would always be my 2 best. nothing had changed and we did all the same things we had always done. we got together for dinner and drinks a few times a week. we spent weekends having?BBQ?when it was nice out, going to amusement parks, shooting the shit at the park on sunny days or just hung out at one of our places. it was as if nothing changed. i spent time with my new guy, and kept my 2 best still as close as ever.
again, things happen: jealousy, feeling of?betrayal, doubts. new girlfriends. new boyfriends. whatever it was. who knows.?
i never wanted things to change. but that's just what happens and you have very minimal control over it, and no control over other peoples feelings.?
anger builds up, you hold grudges over minimal things. the friendship wasn't what it use to be.
i've had this happen before. when you're a girl in high school, you get sucked into girl drama pretty easily. if you didn't, lucky you.
but my 2 best were guys. this would never happen. we argue and then forget.
but i'm still a girl, and part of me still holds girl grudges like in high school.
one friendship ends, and that's when everything else unravels.?
the pact you thought would last forever slowly dies. and because you all drift apart, you seek other places for comfort and joy.?
but i still had one other person. one other friend. what about him??
well, it gets a little tricky when you go from you and your 2 best friends to you and 1 best friend, who also happens to be your ex.
he has someone new, but ?i feel like a new girlfriend meant he couldn't be friends with me.
i didn't do that to him. why would he do that to me?
i also felt like he had?chosen?sides in our "best friend pact". and it's wasn't mine. is that what changed everything? is that why i feel so alone?
as a couple, i put my all and everything into him. i'm not saying i was the best girlfriend ever, what i'm saying is i put all my trust and secrets into this one person. was i dumb for doing so? i was sure we would always be the best of friends. even with new relationships and our lives obviously going to new paths. but why would i ever stop being your friend because you met someone new? i wouldn't. was he uncomfortable being my friend? was everything he said to me a huge big lie?questions unanswered that i have little hope of ever knowing. but that's not what i'm here typing about.
i'm wondering how you cope with losing your best friends.
people you were so close with you considered family. someone you looked up to as a big brother. people who want nothing to do with you and you want everything to do with them. am i being over bearing? i don't think so. maybe i am. i'd just like to have my 2 best, sitting at our usual spots on?Thursday?nights or?Sunday?mornings, having drinks and?indulging?in food.
how do you make your heart calm knowing you'll never do those things again with those people?
how do i stop my brain from reenacting memories when i walk by places that meant something? how do i forget all those sunny days, late nights, big smiles and laughter? how do i forget?every restaurant, every bar, every appetizer shared, every story told, every laugh, every photo?
how do i stop my heart from aching?
how do i stop the pit in my stomach when i see these?people?who at one point were my 2 best?
how do i stop myself from bursting into tears passing by places with?memories?
How do i forget 3 years of my life?i wonder if they feel the same. i doubt it, because their actions towards me make me feel like they had stopped caring at one point. but i'm hopeful that they miss me as much as i miss them.
xoxo
Source: http://gabriellaalejandra.blogspot.com/2012/09/how-do-you-cope-with-losing-your-best.html
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